Chapter 2 - Big Fun, Decisions and a Slap from Reality
2017 was the year that rewrote my life’s script in the most unexpected ways. With my mild proctitis diagnosis tucked safely in the past, Marco and I threw ourselves headfirst into the honeymoon phase. Long weekends away, gigs, clubs, pubs, restaurants, theatre – you name it, we were there, living it up.
Then Marco dropped a bombshell that scared the crap out of me.
“I want kids.”
He said it plain as day, no sugarcoating, no gentle lead-in. Not once, but twice in our first few months together. Just like that – boom.
The decision that changed everything
This statement blindsided me completely. Having children had never been on my radar. My biological clock? Silent as the grave. But here I was, faced with a decision that could make or break our relationship.
I had to consider not just whether I wanted his children, but whether I was even capable of having them.
At 38, fertility had never crossed my mind. Why would it? Terms like ‘geriatric pregnancy’ or ‘advanced maternal age’ were completely foreign concepts. After some initial tests, the results weren’t perfect, but they weren’t catastrophic either. I had a few health issues to sort out first.
Anxiety had become an unwelcome companion over the past few years – and let’s face it, show me someone over 30 who hasn’t felt its grip. My hands would shake with the slightest stress, turning my handwriting into illegible scrawl. Small worries would snowball into avalanches of concern.
I turned to acupuncture to tackle this anxiety, combining it with a health-focused diet, smoothies, and supplements. The transformation was remarkable. Within weeks, I was handling work conflicts and stress with newfound ease. Acupuncture became my secret weapon, helping me navigate various health challenges.
By September, my decision crystallized. I was ready to dive deeper with Marco and open my heart to starting a family. I even tried expressing my feelings in Italian: “Sono innamorato di te.”
It was so romantic, like something from the movies… until he corrected my grammar.
Meeting the family
Christmas in Sicily introduced me to Marco’s family, and wow – their generosity was overwhelming. Their animated conversations left me constantly wondering if they were chatting or having a blazing row. My reflexive “please” and “thank you” for everything seemed to bewilder them – a quirky remnant of my British upbringing. They’ve gotten used to it now.
Despite my basic Italian, I definitely understood when his mum asked when she’d be getting grandchildren.
Argh!
The talk
That question forced us to have “the conversation.” With my 40th birthday looming, urgency hung in the air. Marco’s laid-back Sicilian nature meant decision-making moved at glacial speed, but once we committed, things accelerated rapidly.
My 40th became a month-long celebration that defied every age-crisis stereotype. The highlight? A drum and bass festival in a Roman fort in Croatia, followed by romantic days in Venice. It was the perfect juxtaposition – ancient history meets modern beats, then classical romance.
Post-festival, I embraced clean living with the enthusiasm of a convert. I ditched caffeine, slashed my alcohol intake, and eliminated processed foods and toxins from my life. I was getting my body ready for the journey ahead.
But life, as it tends to do, had other plans brewing.
Just as we began trying for our family, my IBD returned with a vengeance. And this time, it brought reinforcements – taking my menstrual cycle hostage in the process.
The mild proctitis had evolved. What started as an “irritating pimple” was about to become the main event, disrupting not just my bowels, but my dreams of motherhood too.