Chapter Ten - Mushrooms, Mindset and POF
A note looking back
It’s interesting going back and writing about all of this. Pouring over my results, the emails, my mindset work, all the paperwork surrounding this journey, and recognising how vulnerable I was.
I didn’t really realise it at the time, but looking at all the “free” resources I signed up for – “a free easy-to-follow guide will deliver 3 research-backed things you can do (that actually work!) to improve your fertility starting today” or the “Fertility Breakthrough Challenge,” to name a couple. I tried following the links in the emails. They don’t exist anymore.
The emotions it’s pulling back up have been buried. Me trying to find answers and figure things out for myself because nobody listened at the time. It’s taking me longer than I expected, and I think it’s because this isn’t normal background research. It’s making me pause to reflect, surfacing memories that had been buried, triggering others.
I had a conversation with my doctor the other week because I’m still trying to get my hormones and IBD sorted properly (fingers crossed, I’m nearly there). I was talking about the history of the last seven years – because they’re so busy they don’t have time to know it as well as you do – about the menopause dismissal. She asked me if anyone investigated perimenopause.
No. No, they didn’t.
I wish I’d requested to see her then and hadn’t just gone with the available doctor the receptionist suggested. But I didn’t know then what I know now.
Dr. Trevor Wing
October 15th, 2020. Two years after we started this journey (I know for some of you reading this, that’s not a long time for a fertility journey) we went to our appointment with Dr. Trevor Wing at the Women’s Natural Health Clinic in Twickenham.
I was apprehensive, nervous, and hopeful. In my head, I was already creating the future storyline. Relentless positivity – I have it in abundance. If there’s the remotest chance it can end how I want it to, I hold onto it until I can’t anymore.
It can be exhausting.
I was sitting on his couch recounting our journey’s history. Marco sat next to me, my bowels flaring, and I was trying to recount the facts in a way that was easy to follow. I told him about the test results from the UK fertility clinic – because at this point, I didn’t realise they’d tested both LH and estrogen before they cancelled the cycle.
His immediate response: “Then you’re not in menopause. Your oestrogen would be on the floor if you were.”
Hope and heart soared.
He took blood to investigate food intolerances. Told me to ask my doctor to carry out specialist immunology blood tests to see if anything else was disrupting my ovaries. He requested scans from the fertility clinic and a few other things.
I went away with homework.
I was buzzing.
The long list of optimisation
A few days later, COVID threatened again. The area where the clinic was went into Tier 2 lockdown, but fortunately, private health clinics could stay open.
One of the things on my looooong list of optimising and repairing myself was sleeping on an earthing sheet. For those who don’t know, it’s woven with silver threads and plugged into the mains with only an earth pin. The purpose is to reduce the body’s excessive electrical activity so it can properly heal itself while you sleep.
I swore by it for a while. But it didn’t really move the needle or impact my journey in any meaningful way.
Before I got my immunology blood test results, the second lockdown hit. Luckily, private health clinics could still stay open. PHEW. I was on tenterhooks every time restrictions and lockdowns were announced. It was another thing I didn’t have control over.
That’s another big thing on this journey – the lack of control.
The blood test run around
All but one of the immunology blood test results came back on the 5 November. The last one went to a different hospital because of its specialty, and I had to chase it.
When I finally got to speak to someone, they told me they were waiting for the doctor who asked for it to request the results.
I’m sorry, WHAT?! Why would a doctor request a blood test he didn’t want the results for? They’re already time-starved in the NHS to be chasing around for results.
After some back and forth over a week or two, I finally got the results on the 18 November and sent them straight to Dr. Wing. Shortly afterwards, we had meeting number two, and he made his first prescription.
He also sent me a long list of new foods I shouldn’t eat. He was the second person to tell me I was allergic to dairy.
So eating got more difficult and stressful again.
Happy to be weepy
It was coming up to Christmas, and I was emotional. Getting teary-eyed at commercials, films I’d normally laugh at, and at odd times during the day for no reason at all. I thought I was going crazy.
When I told Dr. Wing at our appointment a few days before Christmas, he was pleased. The medication was working, but it needed tweaking – it wasn’t quite right for the final push.
I had never been so happy to be so weepy. I was relieved to know there was a reason.
The New Year push
It was the new year. I had the new prescription, and I was on fire.
The new prescription wasn’t quite hitting the right note, so I contacted Jessica, the homeopath, again. When I was taking the first prescription, I was still taking the remedy Jessica had given me, so I wanted her to send more to level the playing field.
I also took another food sensitivity test because I wanted to eliminate anything that could be interfering. Yet another layer of eating difficulty. The report even led me to query my B9 levels with Dr. Wing.
I was going over everything.
The gentle question
I had another appointment in March. This time, I had an ultrasound, an FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) blood test, and a prescription for DHEA for the next three months.
My FSH was high. My ovaries were quiet.
Dr. Wing gently asked me if I wanted to proceed or if I wanted to start thinking about egg donation.
I wasn’t ready to let go yet. I wanted to try one more time with my bowels in good shape. So amongst all the optimisation I was doing, Dr. Wing gave me a protocol to get them back under control, which doubled the supplements I was already taking – though some had fallen by the wayside at this point.
This was my final push. I was coming up on 43, and I didn’t want to be much older before I became a mum. I was doing everything in my power. I was motivated and hopeful, playing out all the positive outcomes in my head.
Mindset work
I started looking at fertility coaches and signing up for any free fertility information and support I could get my hands on.
I read Fearlessly Fertile by Rosanne Austin, Fertility Coach, and started following her advice. I began a morning routine: practicing gratitude, journaling, affirmations, yoga, and running. She got me to reflect on all the good things that had happened over the last few years, what I was afraid of, and to forgive myself for things in the past, like my divorce.
I started listening to her podcast during my morning runs.
I was all in.
I considered taking on a fertility coach, but it cost a lot of money. Marco pointed out that I didn’t have any problems with positivity or mindset, so I didn’t need a coach for that.
My bowels seemed to be getting better. I wasn’t rushing to the toilet first thing in the morning. I’d started taking Oxy-Powder a few days before, and it seemed to be doing the trick. I was working on my mindset and feeling positive that the next appointment was going to be the one.
Still quiet
I had another ultrasound at the beginning of May.
Ovaries still quiet.
I still wasn’t done yet.
We booked a breakaway in June – Port Lymne (a surprise for Marco) to see the animals, then over to the West Country for some walking and fresh air. It was good to get away.
My stress around food hit its peak. Even the thought of eating out or at friends’ or family’s freaked me out. Marco has the patience of a saint. I’d become obsessed with what I ate and what I put in and on my body. I’d put myself under pressure I probably didn’t need.
It’s not about being perfect. It’s about doing what you can while looking after your mental health.
To vaccinate or not to vaccinate
The COVID vaccination had started rolling out, so now we faced the question: To vaccinate or not to vaccinate?
It was yet another thing on my radar as potentially fertility-disrupting, and I was pulling any research and studies I could find online.
Did the COVID vaccination affect fertility? That was the question. With the division of opinion and judgment about whether you were vaccinated or not, I felt pressure and like I had to justify myself.
We decided not to have the COVID jab while going through this. The UK was opening back up, regulations were relaxing, but I still didn’t want to be inside with other people.
Marco had even been offered VIP Royal Blood tickets, which I turned down. I didn’t want to chance getting COVID. One of my good friends got it in the very early days and was suffering with long COVID. A couple had ended up in hospital. I was very cautious.
I had another ultrasound with Dr. Wing at the end of June.
My ovaries were still quiet.
But I still wasn’t done.
The diagnosis
At the beginning of August, I had another ultrasound with Dr. Wing.
No change.
He diagnosed me with Premature Ovarian Failure and recommended I start to investigate egg donation.
Although most doctors wouldn’t class it as POF even though I still had egg reserves similar to others who were still ovulating. The reason why? Because I was in my 40s.
Just after my 43rd birthday, I found out what stopped my IVF cycle the year before.
And I realised my mistake.